Excuse me, I have a suspicious silence to investigate

I wonder if God made 2 year olds to prepare us for teenagers? There are a remarkable number of similarities between the two groups, after all. Both are in the process of realizing how much power they can exert over their lives simply by making choices, and both are very determined to exercise that power, regardless of the consequences or wisdom of their decisions.

The only difference, it seems to me, is that you can pick the 2 year old up and forcibly remove her from the dangerous situation. The teenager is a little too big for that (6 feet tall and well over 200 pounds.)

I inherited the teenager. Granted, I've known him since he was small enough to sit on my lap, but the important work of shaping his personality was accomplished long before I came along. Our relationship isn't very parent/child, but more like an aunt and her favorite nephew. He'll listen to me when he won't listen to his parents, but his primary relationship is with them not me. Nevertheless, as he progresses further into these teen years I have not been exempted from the eye-rolling, sigh-heaving, head-shaking behaviors that let me know I am simply too stupid to breathe and how exactly did I make it this long? (It's been a nasty shock, because this kid used to be every parent's dream come true. You never saw such a well-behaved, courteous, mannerly, thoughtful, compassionate, and intelligent boy.)

The whole thing has gotten me thinking. I look at my two adorable little ones, so sweet and loving, and wonder about the alien lurking inside them. Will they undergo the same transformation as their big brother? I have a bad feeling the answer is yes.

This morning, the toddler wandered into the living room where I was nursing her baby sister, holding both the new can opener I bought last night and haven't washed and put away yet, and the old, nearly dead, can opener that got left out on the counter this morning. She crouched down with her back to me, and started to play with the two items.

I was not happy about this. I just don't think that can openers are a particularly safe or appropriate plaything for even the most mature 2 year old. So I told her, "No, no," and asked her to put them both in the sink. You can imagine what her response was.

"No!"

I tried to work with her, with no result. Even a threat of a time out had no effect. Finally I had to put the baby down and forcibly remove the can openers from her little hands. We then had time out - two minutes in her chair, facing a blank white wall. She cried piteously the whole time, making Mommy feel horrible.

I don't know what's the best way to deal with her. I want her to be both independant and obedient, to use the intelligence she's been given to make her own decisions, but always listen to Mommy and Daddy and trust our advice. I can't help feeling that if I can just figure out the right way to discipline her now, the magic technique that will ensure her obedience, then I'll have a handle on her teen years. The key has to lie somewhere in persuading her to want to obey me. Anything else will backfire later on. She's got to respect my opinions, to love and trust me; if I can accomplish that, then maybe I can steer her away from the worst dangers of the teen years.

I never realized until I became a mother how much of parenting is nothing more than guesswork. The most important thing I'll ever do in my life and I'm as unsteady as a new driver, veering from side to side, unable to steer a straight line. Boy, that's scary.