Fighting crime, one stink at a time

I was throwing away some old bills today and worrying about not having a paper shredder. Everyone, I read, should have a paper shredder and use it obsessively to thwart identity thieves. They will go through your garbage, evidently, seizing old bills and paycheck stubs that have important pieces of information on them, like your social security number.

I don't want our identities stolen. We have enough problems at the moment, thank you. I can't afford to get even a cheap paper shredder right now, though.

But that's OK, because it occured to me, as I approached the garbage can, that I have something better than a paper shredder with which to foil identity thieves. I have the most malodorous garbage can in the neighborhood.

You just can't fully understand the word fetid until you've changed the diaper of a toddler who's eaten a little too much fruit the day before. Anyone going through our garbage would have to be thoroughly desperate. It'd be easier to just hit the bag next to ours in the dump, I'm sure.

Who would have thought that having two kids in diapers would provide such a big payoff?