"Normal" is just a meaningless word, anyway.

Growing up with a crazy father who abuses you isn't a good way to get a grasp on typical male behavior. Most of the time I'm convinced I'm just married to the single best guy in the world, but I have a hunch that's only because I'm so suspicious of all other men. Every so often, though, something will happen that jolts me into wondering which direction reality is.

I realized something about the husband the other day that really shocked me - and then I was surprised that I was shocked. The husband has never deliberately frightened one of the children. He doesn't scare them, he doesn't threaten them for the fun of it or lie to them for the pleasure of confusing them. He has never made them scream in fear or even cry. He is unfailingly nurturing, kind and loving.

You know, I thought being mean was just what guys did? Isn't that how men are supposed to interact with kids? Don't all fathers find it amusing to torture their small children? Isn't all father/child interaction supposed to be at least mildly sadistic?

The husband can remember being held over Hoover Dam by his father while he cried and screamed, terrified his dad was going to drop him. Is that why he never deliberately frightens our children? Or are his father and mine the unusual ones?

Neither has the husband ever done any of a number of other things I have always thought of as typically male. For instance, he's never played any strength games with me - you know, the sort of thing where your boyfriend uses his strength against you in a playful way? Maybe he'll hold you back when you want to walk forward, squeeze you in a bearhug until you can't breathe, or just grab your hand and not let go until he's demonstrated that you can't get free unless he lets you go. Not the husband though. I really have no idea of how strong he is, because he's never used his strength against me, even playfully.

Is it age that makes him like this? Is continually testing your strength something young men are prone to do? Or is it a result of being very confident in his masculinity? After all, this is a man who spent 20 years doing things that even such icons of macho as John Wayne and Schwarzenegger only ever pretended to do.

My husband and my father couldn't be more different and I can't help wondering which of them is the more typical example of the human male. Or have I managed to have the two most important men in my life represent the two extremes?

I started thinking about this because the teen got frustrated over something last night and started getting worked up into a tantrum. Not a comforting thing to see from someone as big as he is. The husband dealt with it so deftly, though, using a mixture of humor and a very small amount of subtle intimidation to calm his son down and get him smiling again. He's got such fantastic parenting skills. I hope I can learn to be as good as he is when the girls are teens. I hope I can learn quickly enough from him to do a half way decent job of handling the teen over the next year or two.