Old, fat, frumpy, talentless, and now not even a camera.

The baby broke my camera today.

I was in the kitchen, cooking dinner, when I heard banging behind me. When I turned around I saw she had my camera and was pounding it enthusiastically against the floor.

I'll gloss over the bloody details. The short story is that I can get clear pictures only if I let it automatically focus. If I try to control the focus myself all I get is blur. So much for anything creative.

It's my own fault. I had it out last night to try to get some photos of the lunar eclipse. I didn't put it back properly, because I was tired and not thinking very clearly. Ironically I didn't even get to take any photos last night. It was foggy and I couldn't see the moon at all.

I feel so sad and brokenhearted right now. This was a $400 digital camera, a Christmas present from the husband the one year in our married life that we actually had cash. He got it for me because he knew how desperately I wanted a good camera. It is irreplaceable.

I feel like a piece of my soul has been ripped out and shredded. I've been playing with the camera, taking photos and dreaming of making a career in photography. Looking at some of my photos I think I've maybe got some real ability. It made me feel like I could be more than a fat, frumpy woman yelling at her kids in Walmart.

I know I probably sound melodramatic and silly. I know that this is only a camera, that there are more important things in life, that it could have been something much worse and I'm lucky to have my children. I know that it was my own fault for not putting it out of reach, and at least it wasn't completely destroyed.

It's just that, right now, I really hurt.