If you have to point out your age to prove you're mature, you're too young.

I just finished up a looooong conversation with the teen. His birthday is coming up. What he wants is something that we are never going to give him. (Long story, involved, and rather esoteric. You don't want to hear it. Suffice it to say that what he wants is entirely impossible considering his behavior over the last year.)

He feels that he should be trusted, that we should let him have this opportunity so that he can prove he can be trusted with it. We disagree. So we're left with this fundamental disagreement, one that will never be subject to compromise. He wants more freedom and independence, and we feel that he's asking for more than he is yet able to handle. Maybe in another year, given an improved pattern of behavior, but not right now.

We're going to be dealing with a running battle for several weeks over this. He goes after things like a bulldog, never giving in. He tells me whenever we get into these debates that he'd rather be dead than wrong. I told him tonight that he needed to be careful that he didn't sacrifice long-term goals in his focus on short-term goals. When he challenged me to give him an example I pointed out his effective loss of this school year. By sacrificing this year he's not only risked his ability to graduate on time, he's lost all sorts of opportunities for a free education. After he graduates from high school everything is going to cost him money. He should be taking advantage of this to learn everything he can, not refusing to participate. That made him stop and think - for a moment.

Of course, in the course of the conversation he pulled out that old chestnut, "But I'm almost an adult now!" I had to turn away for a moment to hide the grin I couldn't repress. I can still remember how silly I felt when I was old enough to realize that the very fact you're using that phrase undermines your entire argument about being mature. (It hit me that truly mature people don't need to point it out.) He'll figure it out in about five or six years I figure.