But convalescents are supposed to have soft foods, right?

Ok. I'm back. The dizziness isn't too bad as long as I take care not to get too tired and I can once again get up from a seated position on the floor with only a grunt to remind me that I am not as young as I used to be.

I am also thinking more clearly than I have in a long time. Which is very nice.

I'd love to be able to say, "I'm all better! Life is good and will remain so evermore!" But, that would not be true. I feel like someone who's been really sick for a very long time. Kind of weak and shaky. My emotional insides feel like semi-melted gelatin, which makes me feel like I have the opportunity to do some remolding of myself before everything solids back up.

One of the symptoms of depression is sleep disturbances, sometimes always sleeping, sometimes not being able to sleep. I haven't been getting much sleep the past couple of years and my body has finally realized that. I've been catching catnaps on the couch while the girls watch too much television. I'll go along just fine for a couple of hours, then get so sleepy I just can't keep my eyes open. (Luckily a catnap is long enough to get me back up for another couple of hours, because I am invariably woken up by a small concerned face after a few minutes. Or a small demanding face, or a small grinning-like-a-maniac face. Or small people climbing on top of me in order to play king of the hill on my hipbone. That's what I get for sleeping on my side.) At night I've been sleeping like the dead. Normally I wake up at every whimper, but if the kids have been whimpering at all lately, well, I have no idea, because I've slept through it.

I was feeling so good last Thursday that I thought everything was all OK again and overdid it. In retribution my poor body hit me with a blazing migraine, nausea and all. I wound up doing not much of anything yesterday to make up for it. I'm going to keep on taking things easy for a while.

I can organize my day now, and confront minor problems without feeling like suicide is the only possible solution. I feel creative and have started a couple of projects. If the house gets out of control I don't feel like my entire worth as a human being is gone and I have to kill myself in atonement for my utter loathesomeness and complete failureness.

Weak. Shaky. Convalescent-feeling. Much, much better off than this time even two weeks ago, though.

Unfortunately, without the medication I've developed a massive longing for ice cream. That part I could have done without.